Small Comfort
by ohmytheon
Summary: Sometimes it's the little things that can make a world of difference for someone that is struggling with the weight of what it means to become a hero.


**Notes:** I bet this poor person thought that this was going to be a cute little one-shot. The prompts were "Innocent Physical Contact" + "Hair Brushing/Braiding" + Todochako. And then I looked at this today and thought, Man, it's a good day for angst. This is why we can't have nice things, Lanni.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

It was both too late in the night and too early in the morning to be awake, but Uraraka couldn't sleep, not after what had happened. She'd taken a long shower until the water had turned from hot to cold, but she couldn't completely wash the blood off her hands. She'd rubbed her skin until it was raw, but couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was still covered in it. There had been so much, most of it her own. Her uniform has been destroyed to the point where all she could do was trash it.

When they had been accepted into U.A., all of them had been blinded by optimism. They would take on villains and they would be victorious. They would protect people and they would save the day. Nothing would get in their way of being the heroes they dreamed of becoming. Life would be one incredible adventure after the next.

How could they have been so foolish?

They had never truly thought about what might happen when they failed. It wasn't like failing on an exam. No, when they failed as heroes, it was much worse. People died. Good people, bad people. Their dreams could easily turn into nightmares. They never really thought about it until it happened.

By the time she made it out to the common area from the showers, everyone was gone to bed. As exhausted as she was, as much as she craved the oblivion that sleep would bring her, there was no way she could fall asleep, especially not when she was so afraid of the nightmares that might come. She shuffled into the kitchen where she could make some tea. Maybe after a hot cup or two, her ragged nerves would be smoothed out enough for her to get an hour or two of sleep before the sun rose and she was forced to face a new day.

Uraraka was sitting bent over on the couch under a dim light with her head in her hands, waiting for the tea to finish steeping, when she heard a noise. She lifted her head and spotted Todoroki, who had frozen the moment his mismatched eyes met her red-rimmed ones.

Todoroki's face was impassive as usual, but there was something in his gaze that made her lips tremble all over again. "Uraraka…"

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, quickly turning her face away so that he wouldn't see the film of tears covering her eyes. It humiliated her. She knew that he wouldn't think she was weak for crying over what had happened, but that didn't make her feel any better. He'd suffered the taste of failure once or twice before - they all had - but no one ever accused him of being weak. His strength was one of the most well-known bits about him.

Mostly she couldn't bear to show so much emotion when he rarely did. It made her feel exposed, which was the last thing she wanted to feel right now. Her skin was too thin and raw to let anyone see her like this.

Instead of walking away or ignoring her though, Uraraka felt the couch dip as Todoroki slowly eased himself down next to her. "You don't have to apologize." His voice was steady and warm, neither of which she felt. Her mind and heart were a tangled mess and, despite the steaming hot water of the shower and the blanket over her shoulders, she still felt cold. "You did nothing wrong."

"How can you say that?" Uraraka burst, jerking her gaze up to his again. "You saw what happened on the news. You saw how I…how I miserably failed."

"I saw you fight with everything in you until you couldn't stand," Todoroki replied, not phased at all by her outburst. She stared at him, tears sliding down her face unbidden. "I saw you take down two villains on your own when everyone else was out."

Uraraka's lips wobbled as she turned her gaze back to her upturned hands in her lap. There wasn't any blood on them anymore - she knew that, could see that - and yet they still felt dirty. "It didn't matter though. We still lost a hero. I couldn't save him." None of them had considered the dangers of becoming a hero. None of them had considered that they might die before they could even truly show the world who they were. "He'd just graduated too. This was only his third time out as an official pro hero and he… I…" She buried her face in her hands again. "How many more? How many more good people are going to die in my arms? How can I call myself a hero?"

"We can't save everyone, sometimes not even our own," Todoroki pointed out. "It's a matter of being a hero. We fight not to lose, but we're not perfect."

"Have you lost anyone?" Uraraka countered, pulling her hands away to sulk at him.

Todoroki didn't react right away, only blinking in a slow manner, and said in a distant tone, "A long time ago."

The weight of Uraraka's words and Todoroki's response hit her and her face paled. "Oh my gods, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-" She'd really messed up. How could she have been so callous? He was only trying to make her feel better. "That was really inconsiderate of me."

"You're fine," Todoroki told her, not sounding insulted in the slightest. She didn't think she was fine, but she knew better than to argue with him over it. Besides, she was too tired and upset. "You've been through a lot today. I can't fault you for being hurt."

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Uraraka bit her lip. "I didn't wake you, did I? The elevator can be kind of loud."

Todoroki shook his head. "I woke up on my own. Though a cup of tea might help me get back to sleep." She knew him well enough to know that he wasn't lying. If the elevator had woken him up and brought him out here to see who was up, he would've told her.

"Seems we had the same idea," Uraraka said. "We can share what I made. It should be ready now-"

She started to slowly rise, but then Todoroki stood up before her and put a hand on her shoulder that had her halt midway. "I've got it." He wasn't usually one to give physical comfort or touch people, so the gesture, while very little, meant a lot to her.

She nodded and he left her on the couch, walking into the kitchen so that he could fix their teas. She hadn't told him the way she drank hers, but when he came back with a cup for her, it had just the amount of honey in it that she liked. She didn't know how he knew; maybe it was just the way he liked his or he assumed that she would want hers to be sweet.

"Thank you," Uraraka mumbled over the rip of her cup.

"Thank you for sharing."

The two of them sat in silence, the only sounds their sipping of tea and breathing. It would've made Uraraka anxious with anyone else, even Deku or Tsu, both of whom would be trying to find out the right words to say. The problem was that there was nothing right to say. Someone had died tonight and she'd had their blood all over her. It had taken her sitting down while paramedics stitched her up and she talked to the police for her to gain the strength to return back to the dorms. She didn't have the energy to pretend that platitudes were helping her.

Luckily, Todoroki didn't use those. He probably found them pointless, although he'd gotten better over the years about comforting people. It was something that he'd never had to do before, but they were all learning how to be better. Instead, he stayed silent, letting her decide if she wanted to talk or needed any extra comforting.

It wasn't until Uraraka had finished her tea and set the cup down did she finally feel like she could speak without breaking down again. "You don't have to stay here with me." He glanced at her, no pity or anything like that in his eyes. She could appreciate that. "It's late - or early, depending on how you look at it. We've got a big day tomorrow. You should get some sleep."

"So should you," Todoroki intoned.

"I don't think I can," Uraraka said, turning to look at the empty cup. "Every time I close my eyes, I see him take the blow from behind and that villain's laugh." She shook her head. "I can't. I'm so tired, but I feel like I won't be able to sleep for days. My mind won't let me. I'll only have a nightmare."

Todoroki looked away, an almost thoughtful expression on his face. She could practically see him thinking about what he should do. He didn't have to do anything for her - she wasn't sure that there was anything he could do - but before she could tell him not to worry, he set his unfinished tea down and raised his arm in an opening gesture.

Oh. She knew what that meant. Uraraka had never expected to see it coming from Todoroki, who wasn't the most tactile of people. Him opening himself up to her made the powerful emotions swell inside of her like a tidal wave all over again and the tears came rushing back and her lips wobbled as she leaned against him. He dropped his arm over her as she rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay.

When she felt him begin to gently rake his fingers through her still wet hair, Uraraka's heart skipped a beat and she took in a shuddering gasp, but she didn't stop him. It felt...nice. Soothing. His fingers were cool, pleasantly so, and she let the touch guide her to a peace that she hadn't thought herself capable of at this time.

"When I was little," Todoroki began quietly, "when I was scared or upset, my mother would play with my hair until I fell asleep." He didn't talk about his family much. Even being in their third year now at U.A., she could count on one hand the number of times he had with her nearby. It was enough to still her mind for a moment. "I've had a few hours already, but you need to get your rest. If you have any nightmares, I'll wake you up."

Uraraka opened her eyes and tilted her head to look up at him, but she didn't pull away. "Todoroki, I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not," he told her without hesitation. "This is what we do, not just as heroes, but as friends."

A shadow of a smile appeared on his face, one that asked her to let him do this for her. If she pulled away, he would let her. If she asked him to leave her alone, he would. But she didn't want him to let her go and she didn't want him to leave. Now that he was here and combing his fingers delicately through her hair, she couldn't stand the idea of being alone. Even if she stayed awake, her thoughts would grow dark and she didn't want to tackle them by herself if they became too much.

"Okay," she said quietly, returning to the original position. He tightened his grip on her for just a second and then continued the motion. She could've sworn minutes ago that she wouldn't fall asleep, but before she knew it, she found herself drifting off, comforted by the warmth that radiated from his body and the steady beat of his heart.

Not even a year ago, Todoroki would never have done something like this, but it was just enough to be everything she needed even though she hadn't known it herself. Before falling asleep, Uraraka thought to thank him, but it wasn't necessary. He knew she was grateful. She rather thought that the reason this little gesture was so moving for her was because it was him. Tsu, Deku, or Iida could have done something like this and she might have turned them away. Todoroki rarely offered comfort like this. The fact that he did, even if no one was around to see it (perhaps because no one was around to see it) meant the world to her.

Uraraka fell into a sleep filled with muddled dreams. It would not give her a restful night, but it would be more than she would've had otherwise. And if Todoroki fell asleep too instead, that was okay. She would be more than happy that he was comfortable enough with her to let his guard down. She could take comfort in that.


End file.
